This post is a rant.
There are 2 things that I hear Christians say about love that really annoy me and I want to share them.
The first is that as Christians we are called to love each other but we don't have to like each other. The last time I heard this was in a church meeting when I proposed that if we wanted to be a growing community we should first be a loving community. This is a terrible idea (that we don't have to like each other, not that we should be a loving community). I would hate to think that Jesus would ever say to me that 'although I love you and died for you, I really quite dislike you." I don't know how we can say that we love people but don't like them and won't spend time with them. That's not love.
The second thing that people say that seems to me to be fairly ill considered is that 'hate is not the opposite of love, indifference is.' This is silly. Of course the opposite of love is hate. Love and indifference are certainly incompatible. Indeed, indifference may well be an opposite of love (although I don't think it is). But to say that hate is not the opposite of love is no true.
As far as I can tell love might be able to be defined as the activity of seeking good for the object of your love despite cost and consequences. Jesus, when he looked upon his creation, had the attitude of 'If I can just have them then it will all be worth it.' We are his treasure, the object of his love and he actively seeks our good by giving his own life so that we might have relationship with him. Love is aggressive and active and selfless.
Hate, on the other hand, it seems to me, is actively seeking ill for someone. Hate crimes, for instance, are born out of an emotion so strong that it causes you to act and do harm. I dare say that we use the word hate more often than we should.
Indifference is passive and does no harm. Although harm may come out of it as a secondary consequence at times, the indifference itself hurts no one.
Now I understand that when people say that the opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference they are often trying to say that not loving people enough to bring them the gospel can lead to their harm, but that's no reason to get it wrong.
So...
When you love someone, you have to like them.
Hate and love are opposites. Indifference toward others is a sin, but it's not the opposite of love.
Thoughts?
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I love your posts, but I also really don't like them. ;)
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DeleteI don't think I agree! Perhaps I have a greater capacity for 'dislike' than you do Graham. I definately think we need lots of help from God to both love and like other people, even ourselves! Of course I'm somewhat of a neurotic navel gazer who barely gets along with myself much less other people! Seriously it is when we are being transformed and are willing to be transformed that we get beyond whatever weakness we have in interpersonal relating!!!
ReplyDeleteI don't disagree with what you're saying. I have trouble liking lots of people, but I don't think that's ok. When I have feelings of dislike I show no love so I need to work toward purging those attitudes from myself. I didn't say it's easy, but it's what we're called to, I think.
DeleteI always react negatively to statements like "I need to work...", I prefer "I need to surrender...so that God can do the work" or "I need to rely on Him because my own perceptions and efforts are inadequate". The thing is I think it is easy, His burden is light!!! Not meaning to have a go at you Graham I'm just very 'term-sensitive' (is that a real thing?), I think the human default is to make every aspect of Christianity into "works"!!
ReplyDeletePrayer is awesome and God is so generous! I had a dream once that there was a shop with special hearing aids so that we could hear things the way God wants us to hear them and that Jesus was there at the counter giving them away, but he was sad because most people walked past the shop and were not interested. I think it is really like that! God is pouring out His gifts on us and we just put up our umbrellas because we don't want to change. (Sorry mixing my metaphors, would that lose me marks if I was writing an essay?)